Perimenopause. Right. Because I didn't even know it was a thing.

Looking back, my experience of perimenopause wasn't only about the things we tend to hear about most - irregular periods, the occasional hot flush, or moments of brain fog that appear unannounced. it was also the less obvious changes: mood swings I thought I'd left behind in adolescence, increased irritability, anxiety, and a persistent sense of worry.

At the time, I didn't even know there was such a thing as perimenopause. It began long before menopause itself had even crossed my mind. Quite simply, it wasn't on my radar.

Losing sight of who I was

In hindsight, I think I was around 41 years old when things started to change. I didn't notice it as it was happening - it was only much later, during the Covid lockdown period, that I realised that that was when I'd begun to feel disconnected from myself, and at this point I decided to put this down to perimenopause.

A quiet transition had been taking place, and it's challenging to remember that phase now, but labelling it does make good sense for me, and goes some way to explaining why I felt the way I did. It also brings me a much needed sense of relief. At the time, life was busy. I was running my business and doing my best to hold things together. I didn't stop to notice what was happening internally.

It crept up on me

In retrospect, I think that the perimenopause felt less like something I moved through, and more like something that happened to me. It crept up quietly and gradually altered how I felt, how I coped, and how I saw myself. Yet I still didn't have a name for it - or an understanding of what was going on.

As the more recognisable signs of menopause itself appeared, I began to look for ways to manage life and the aftermath of that earlier period. Mindfulness, different forms of mediation, and regular exercise slowly helped me to regain some balance. Over time, a consistent mindfulness practice has given me a sense of clarity, and I now realise that this was a natural phase that I hadn't chosen, and this realisation has allowed me to be kinder to myself.

That understanding didn't come instantly, and it didn't remove every difficulty. But it did allow me to soften the self-blame I'd been carrying, and to acknowledge my humanity.

Awareness is key

I'm a great believer in the old saying that 'forewarned is forearmed'.

Knowing that perimenopause exists, and having some sense of when it might begin, gives us the opportunity to practise awareness - of our minds, emotions and bodies. When things start to feel slightly off, that awareness allows us to take small, positive steps to care for ourselves.

In our busy lives we don't take enough care of ourselves. We live on autopilot much of the time, we aren't even aware of what's going on in our bodies, and this awareness is a key tenet of a regular mindfulness practice. There is evidence that, with a regular practice, with more awareness of our bodies and minds, we can increase our wellbeing in many ways.

Developing more awareness might look like:

. recognising that you may be entering or experiencing perimenopause

. noticing fluctuations in mood, energy or emotions

. acknowledging deep tiredness after an otherwise 'normal' day

Step back from the storm

When we cultivate awareness, we give ourselves the chance to step back from the storm and find a steadier place from which to respond to life, rather than being swept along by habitual reactions that may no longer serve us.

You can't pour from an empty cup

Self-kindness is always important, but perhaps especially so during this stage of life. Many women entering perimenopause today are also caring for children that are still at primary school, supporting other family members, managing careers, and juggling countless responsibilities. And even if you're not, it can be incredibly difficult to offer patience and understanding to others when your own resources feel depleted.

A calmer, more compassionate approach to yourself can reduce the likelihood of looking back later with regret for moments of impatience or exhaustion. Awareness creates space - space to pause, to respond rather than react, and to move through difficult moments with greater care.

To support women in this phase, and indeed any phase of life, I've created a short mindfulness meditation designed to help you get started in cultivating more awareness of your body and mind. It might give you a little space with your day just for you. You're welcome to explore it if it feels helpful.

https://youtu.be/H4Q7S1ECwII

Next Steps

If this post resonates with you or someone you know, email me or book a free Zoom call with me, to see how I could help you to manage your menopause with more ease. I run 8-week courses throughout the year, in person and online, as well as short regular mindfulness sessions.

Be kind to yourself...